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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27809557">forget me if it means youre better off</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kebluver/pseuds/kebluver'>kebluver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Angels &amp; Demons, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, also just think of kev in white yes please, better than titanic ever could be, i finished this at two in the morning, idc its GAY, kind of sad but it GETS THERE BE PATIENT, yes jacob is a demon but theres a reason</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:55:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27809557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kebluver/pseuds/kebluver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>trying to get a lover to remember you was the worst pain to experience.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>forget me if it means youre better off</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>uhh hi!! idk if this is as long as i think it will be bcuz i never edit my notes when im done but if it is im so sorry im spitting words at you. enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jacob remembers. jacob remembers how he failed to save kevin, what caused him to be here in this heart rotting place of a nightmare. he remembers how he had died first between the two of them, but he had <em>murdered </em>someone. it wasnt intentional, he <em>promised </em>himself, he <em>told </em>himself, he didnt mean to murder that man. but he hadnt seen the car headlights amidst his blurry vision, his ears ringing and blood dripping down his face.</p><p>jacob had remembered accepting this fate of his, that he would die even if kevin was kept alive. but he had murdered before he himself had died, the stranger before him. and now, the wings hanging low from his back were tainted black.</p><p>the brunette knew. he knew that kevin was somewhere better than he was, up in the clouds where he knew everything was perfect. he had been told this as his soul was dragged into this hell.</p><p>kevin had forgotten him, this he knew well yet he had not accepted. demons were meant to have their death and their wrongs haunt their mind, but angels would live peacefully, their memory wiped of anything bad.</p><p>jacob felt a pang in his heart every time he thought of his best friend, if he could even call him that any longer. each time he wallowed alone in the corner of hell, siyeon would approach him, the girl who ruled what he could call home.</p><p>“ oh dear jacob, you know demons dont cry. ” but how could he not? for fucks sake, he was <em>in love with him, </em>how could he not sob when he knew that kevin had nothing— not even a vague memory— to remember him by. it hurt, dare he say it hurt like hell.</p><p> </p><p>jacob was able to wander about earth, though no mortal being would see him. he would do this occasionally, visiting the places that he and kevin used to love. have it be the broken down playground, the abandoned shooting range they made to a treehouse, just anything.</p><p>and thats when he saw him again, and oh no, he looked more beautiful in white than anything else. he had a pure smile on his lips, and it seemed as if he was drawn towards the same place that jacob was, even if he had forgotten all about the reason why.</p><p>and then, after that, thats when kevin saw him, his smile dropped, and his eyes narrowed. right, the angels were taught to hate the demons.</p><p>“ kevin, ” the angel tensed up, backing up a bit. but of course he would, the younger had no idea who he was yet the brunette knew his name. what he said next was stupid, he knew damn well what the answer would be. “ kevin, do you remember me? ”</p><p>the angel floated away, and jacob sighed. what else could he do? the afterlife above knew not to trust a word the demons would say, why would kevin be any different?</p><p>jacob couldnt do anything, so he froze, and watched the angel retreat to his home as tears gathered in his eyes. he sat on the roof of the treehouse, curling into himself.</p><p>“ jacob, ” it was siyeon yet again, with her comfort that caused nothing more than meer pain. “ youve ought to get over that boy, your love is forbidden. ”</p><p>jacob would break any rule if it meant he could be with kevin once again.</p><p> </p><p>the next day, jacob went somewhere different. a café, one that they were regulars at. it made him tear up, the way that the workers still looked quite sad. they were friends with them, actually, younghoon, changmin, and chanhee.</p><p>neither of the two who had died had funerals in place, but the three still were informed of their death. to be truthful, the entirety of whoever watched the news would know, their death being told a story and shown as a crime scene.</p><p>jacob saw him again. he was sitting in one of the booths, more specifically, the one that they always sat in. he noticed how the three had marked the seats off as closed.</p><p>it was odd, how kevin knew what places were theirs without knowing why or who he shared those memories with.</p><p>once again, they met each others eye. jacob didnt want him to go, to leave him alone yet again.</p><p>“ kev, wait, please. ” surprisingly, the angel had stayed, depsite his gaze being ice cold. “ i know youre scared but please, let me explain for a few moments. ”</p><p>he looked like he wanted to say something in response, but simply shook his head. it seemed as if the edge of his wings were fading slightly, but jacob assumed that was just lighting.</p><p>he watched as kevin left him alone once again. siyeon didnt have anything to say when he came back with faded tips of wings, depsite that being unknown to him.</p><p> </p><p>the next time he saw kevin, it was at a roller skating rink. once again, they were friends with people who worked there. hyunjae, juyeon, and haknyeon. it hurt, because those three always seemed to be smiling so brightly, but it was all gone now. they no longer had a grasp on reality, they were still yet to accept the death of the two former best friends.</p><p>jacob watched from afar as the angel sat on the walls of the rink. he tended to do that a lot before hyunjae would drag him off, saying that that was for hands only, not his ass. every time, kevin would pout.</p><p>kevin was here in front of him, pouting again though still sitting on the walls. it took a few moments for jacob to realize that the other was looking at him, beckoning him over.</p><p>shocked, the brunette made his way over to the angel, taking the piece of paper handed to him.</p><p>
  <em>what did you have to explain?</em>
</p><p>jacob knew that this must have been against the rules of the higher world, yet here he was, risking it for a conversation.</p><p>“ i know that youve been taught otherwise, to never trust a demon no matter how truthful they promise they are. but please, i <em>beg </em>for you to listen, even if this seems like a ploy. ” the angel did not leave, his eyes still glimmering at him. “ i... i died, for you. i died trying to save you, yet i killed a stranger in the process. i didnt mean to, i wanted us to live happily. yet i knew that couldnt happen, at the moment, my ears were ringing and blood dripping was the only thing keeping my face warm. i died before you did, despite by a few seconds. angels forget their past, how they died, but this is the truth. please, please kevin, all you have to do is trust me. ”</p><p>radio silence. it was alright, jacob understood, it would take a bit for the younger to process the information. and then he flew off again, albeit his wings a bit more faded than the last time they had met.</p><p>“ jacob, my dear, what is becoming of your wings? ” it was siyeon. his had faded just as much.</p><p> </p><p>one more time. thats all jacob needed from the boy, just one more chance to try and make him remember, tell him what they had shared before all was made to ruins. just one more chance for him to hold him close, laugh with him, live with him again.</p><p>but kevin deserved a peaceful life. the angel didnt deserve to remember the trauma caused by remembering all throughout a traumatic and short lived life. he needed to stay away from him, jacob could see the destruction that he had already caused.</p><p>yet the angel was face to face with him again, reaching for his hands as, slowly, his beautiful white wings faded to transparency.</p><p>“ kevin, you have to go. you deserve a peaceful life, and im ruining that for you by simply being near you. please, kevin, this cant happen. its forbidden. ”</p><p>jacob had never heard kevins voice of all the times they had come face to face. it was either looks or words messily sketched onto a piece of paper. but finally, he could hear that beautiful voice again.</p><p>“ jacob. jacob, i would rather lose all of what i have now to be with you. the sun and the moon were never meant to come together, yeah? and even now when i believe your stories, when we were alive, we went against that. you and i could go against the world if we wanted, even now when only our souls live on. ”</p><p>“ kevin– ”</p><p>“ so, what do you say, jacob? are we gonna leave each other for their own, turn away each time we meet again, or will we go back to what we were before this monstrosity? ”</p><p>and then, they held each other close, forehead upon shoulder, as their wings faded completely and instead to a clear. and then, a beautiful grey, a mixture of heaven and hell clashing in a way that was always meant to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>✨rollercoaster✨</p></blockquote></div></div>
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